Set Fire to the rain
by morgana-avalon
Summary: Thor happens upon Loki when it rains.


Title: Set Fire to the Rain

Author: Morgana  
Author's Email: morganalebeau  
Pairing: Loki/Thor

Rating: R

Summary: Thor recalls a time when Loki set fire to the rain just for him.

Disclaimer: Not mine. No copyright infringement is intended. All mistakes are mine.

Set Fire to the Rain

I would never have thought that I would one day find myself on a deserted beach on Midgard, far away from home, far away from all the ones I ever loved. Looking up to the skies, stars shine benignly down on me, and although I once saw and appreciated their beauty, nowadays they are nothing but a reminder of my solitude.

When father and Heimdall managed to rebuild the Bifrost, the first thing I did was travel to Midgard in order to be reunited with my beloved Jane. But disaster struck, and when I held her in my arms, after all those months of seperation, her body was already growing cold. She had been slain by Doctor Doom, the arch enemy of Mister Fantastic. I had never wanted to become a part of the Avengers, but I had, and by doing so, I had also inherited their enemies. To my horror, I had also found Loki amongst them, and although I did not have to fight him yet, I know the day of our confrontation will come.

But I don't want to ponder that thought – not yet. At the moment I long to surrender to this melancholy that has taken possession of my soul. Six months ago, I was forced to let Jane go – to let go of my love for her. Letting go was difficult, and until that day I did not understood the true meaning of loss and of mourning.

I mourned losing Loki, I still do, but then Jane died in my arms. I sensed her life force leaving her and when she released her last breath, I knew her soul was gone. She traveled beyond my reach; I cannot follow her into death – no matter how much I love her.

And now, sitting here on the beach and running tiny grains of sand through my fingers, I am once more reminded of the losses I suffered.

My melancholy paralyses me and I should fight it, but how do you fight an overwhelming force like that? How does one deal with such a loss? I never learned to cope with losing a loved one. I never lost anyone before… Beings like me live forever, or, at least for millennia. Closing my eyes, I try to recall happier times, times when I felt connected to life. I feel cut off now.

I smile, recalling the way my father used to amuse me with tales of his past, or how my mother sang a lullaby whenever I had trouble sleeping.

And in the end, I face the memories I fear the most; those of Loki running after me when we were children… mock fighting with me and laughing so hard that the sound would make Huginn and Muginn scream with displeasure. But I loved hearing him laugh like that. He always is much too quiet.

Loki… is it odd that my memories linger on him the longest and not on Jane? I loved Jane, but the time we were allowed to spend together was short, and Loki… I have known Loki for centuries. Maybe it is understandable that I miss him the most…

I open my eyes, stretch, and force myself to stand. I push my feet into the sand, trying to ground myself, raise my arms to the heavens, and will it to rain.

I do not know why the rain suddenly starts, but it does and I do not question it. I feel grateful for the drops sliding down my hair and face, and I remember a time when I was much, much younger.

It had happened on my birthday… I had turned eighteen that night… Which is an important birthday amongst mankind, but in Odin's eyes I was nothing but a child. I had excused myself after dinner as I had felt the overwhelming need to be alone and had wandered off to the outskirts of Asgard to watch the rain. I do love rain…

I had felt his presence before I had seen him. Loki's mind is entangled with mine - it always was and always will be-. He is with me, always…

Closing my eyes, I recall that beautiful night. The rain had caressed my skin back then like it does know, but in a different way. Today, the drops feel like tears, shed out of pain and loss. I should fight this melancholy, should do battle like my father would, but I lack the courage. My heart feels dead in so many ways. An immortal like me is not supposed to experience loss and death to such an extent.

All of a sudden, the rain stops, and missing the comforting caress, I open my eyes to find out what caused the change. And when I do, a sight greets me, which I had thought I would never see again in my lifetime. The rain turned to fire and tiny sparks tinkle my skin before disappearing into the sand. The sensation causes me to chuckle and I throw back my head, knowing the sparks will not cause me harm. *He* will take care of that.

Although we have become enemies over the last year, I do not feel any trepidation. I do not feel threatened when his thoughts brush gently against mine in a tentative invitation.

"I know you are here, Loki. How could I not? The fire tells me so." I turn my head into his direction and my heart beats with joy upon seeing him standing there. Close, but yet a million miles away. The fact that he is neither wearing his helmet, nor his armor, tells of his trust in me. Loki knows I will not attack him. He knows me too well, that one.

"I felt your melancholy," Loki replies, "and I had to act upon it."

He keeps his distance though. In the past, he would have walked up on me in order to bestow a hug upon me, but matters have changed. It is up to me to build a bridge so we can meet halfway. Loki made his mistakes, but so did I. So did Odin. I need to reach out to him one more time – I must. "You always set fire to the rain when I felt weary. You know it lifts my spirits."

Loki nods. "I still do not know why, but it always cheers you up. It is a minor spell, but one you have always been fond of."

I have to tread carefully, and so I will. I take one step toward him and then stand still. Loki is not backing away from me, but I can tell he is ready to use his magic in order to disappear on me. "I never wanted you to leave me, brother."

Loki laughs bitterly. "I am not your brother, Thor. Odin must have told you."

"He did, but I still regard you as kin. Loki, I have known you all my life… Where did it go wrong? Why? I know that I have wronged you…So did father. His scheming is unforgivable and so is my arrogance, but I have changed."

"And so have I, Thor. I am no longer the Loki you know."

Is that true? I must find out and take another step toward him. He still stands his ground, but his hands turn into fists, warning me that he will fight me should I attack. But fighting Loki is the last thing on my mind. I need to find a way to get through to him though. To find out what really caused this estrangement between us.

"Jane died." Loki nods again and this time the expression in his eyes changes. I have never been able to read him well though and I feel at a loss.

"I regret that she had to die. I had no hand in her death."

"I know that." Loki would never hurt a person I love, even though he threatened to do just that when we fought on the Bifrost. Loki's all bark, but he seldom bites. "I do not want us to be enemies. I do not want to fight you." The expression in his eyes changes again, and this time, it is despair staring back at me. Loki does not want to fight me either. "Why are we enemies, Loki? Why are we doing this?" I need the answer to that question – I need it badly. In an attempt to literally bridge the distance between us, I walk up to him, raise my right arm, and rest my hand on his shoulder. I am stunned that Loki allows the touch- I never thought he would. "Why, Loki? Explain this to me?"

I have known Loki my entire life and I have never seen him lost for words – until now. He is speechless and I need to know why. "Why, brother? Why, Loki? Why are we fighting each other when we do not hate each other? I love you still. How could I not love you?" Loki swallows hard, turns his head away from me, but not quickly enough. I caught the tears swimming in his eyes. "Loki… look at me… Talk to me…" Knowing damn well that he will probably push me away, I move my arm around his shoulders and pull him close – close enough for me to bury him in a hug. "Why, Loki?" He allows it, and once more, I wonder why.

Loki remains silent, but then seems to gather his wits, and starts to pull away. I do not let him though and fight his retreat. "Talk to me, brother. Make me understand. I believe that you have wanted to tell me something for a long time… Why do you not share your thoughts with me?" I abandon all rational thought – abandon everything Odin ever taught me and allow my emotions to guide me. I rest my other hand against his cheek, turn his head toward me, and search his eyes. As Loki seems unable to speak the words, I say them for him. "You do not hate me. You do not want to fight me. You love me as much as I love you."

Loki moistens his lips – it is something he often does when he is nervous, or when someone caught him on telling a lie. "Do not lie to me. Speak the truth." I will settle for nothing less and he knows me well enough to realize I am serious. "You do not hate me, Loki, because I see no hatred in your eyes. You allow me close… You let me bestow a hug on me without assailing me. You could have attacked and wounded me when you came upon me on this beach, but instead you decided to comfort me by setting fire to rain. That is something you do out of love, not hatred."

"Let me go, Thor… You have no idea what you are asking for. Trust me, you will not like the answer so stop pushing for it."

Loki's tone has changed and I can tell he feels on edge, but not because he is angry. No, he feels cornered, maybe even intimidated. Should he lash out, it will be because he feels cornered and not because he wants to wound me. "Loki, regardless the consequences, I need that answer. I deserve it."

This time, Loki turns away again, and I let him. I allow him to step away from me, but only because I know he will not vanish on me. Loki does not want to leave… He wants me close – as much like I want him close. "Loki, tell me!"

Loki draws in a deep breath, raises his face to the skies, and then closes his eyes. He is afraid, but why? I will never hurt him! I will never attack and wound him. Loki is important to me! And yet he fears my response. What reason can be so terrible that he rather spends his life fighting me in battle than confronting his feelings?

"Because I love you too much, Thor…"

His voice is barely audible above the breeze, but I catch his words nonetheless. More importantly, I feel the echo of his confession in my mind. I blink, as it is not the answer I expected, but then again, what did I expect to find out? "Because you love me too much? But Loki, how can you possibly…" Loki suddenly aims his gaze at me and his expression tells me how blind I have been. "You love me too much." And I understand – finally, I understand his feelings – I understand them fully. "You love me…" And it is not the love one brother bears another. "I never suspected… Never thought…" I have truly been blind… Just looking into his eyes tells me of the depths of the love he bears me. Reaching into his mind, something I would normally ask permission for first, I realize so many things, but only because he allows me to read his thoughts.

Loki loves me… Has loved me for centuries and he hid that affection well – hid it beneath hatred and jealousy until he himself no longer recognized his true emotions. "You love me…" I need to say it again, as saying it will make it real and I need that reassurance right now.

"I should go now…" Loki averts his gaze and starts to walk away.

But I cannot allow that; not now that I know what caused this falling out. "No, Loki… Stay… Please…" I add belatedly as I do not want him to think I gave him an order. I did that too many times in the past. Instead of listening to him – truly listening to him, I put him in his place and made him feel second best. "Loki, please do not leave. We need to discuss this."

"What is there to discuss, Thor?"

And suddenly the ugly hatred tries to raise its head again. I will not allow it though. "A lot…" I must do this now – or I will never find the courage again. "I love you too…" I do not attempt to stop him from leaving. I do not touch him in the least. This has to be Loki's decision. I cannot force him to stay.

Loki frowns, looks at me from over his shoulder, and stops his retreat. He stares at me for a long time and the frown deepens. I doubt he expected this particular reaction. He never expected me to be this accepting. "I love you too," I repeat in a firmer voice. "Loki, do not run away from this. Let us face it together."

"I do not understand." Loki shakes his head and then studies the sand beneath his feet in an attempt to escape my gaze. "I know you do not love me in that way."

And so the last missing piece of the puzzle falls into place. "And thus you decided you would have my hatred instead. What would mother say? Negative attention is better than no attention at all?" Hopefully that little remark will cause him to smile as I want him to relax.

"Maybe…" Loki admits in a trembling voice that tells me how shaken he feels.

"Loki… I made my share of mistakes in the past…but I refuse to add another one to it. I admit to my love for you… And if I am not mistaken, you did the same thing just know – you expressed your love for me… So why are we fighting?" My speech earns me a small smile and I am glad to see Loki calm down a bit. "I do not want to fight you…" I raise my arm and offer him my hand. It is much more than just a peace offering and we both know it. I hold my breath, waiting for him to make up his mind. If he refuses, we will spend the rest of lives fighting each other. If Loki accepts, a new path will unfold, and although I am not sure where it will take us, I am willing to find out.

Loki steals several glances at me, always averting his gaze after searching my eyes and I keep still. I do not move, do not try to convince him to accept my offer. If he accepts, it must be because he wants to be with me. I watch him closely, and the moment he raises his arm, and curls his fingers around my hand, I release the air I had been holding. "Thank you…" Carefully, I pull him against me, wrap my arms around him, and hold him – hold him so damn tight that I need to remind myself to loosen my hold as I do not want to crush him. "Sorry," I whisper into his ear while slipping one hand down to the small of his back. Loki surprises me then – he actually chuckles. He moves away—but only slightly, so he can look me in the eye.

"I thought you wanted me alive…"

"I do…" I sigh the words against his lips. I want nothing more than to kiss him and taste those lips, but I restrain myself. I need to ask Loki one more thing before indulging myself by kissing him. "Will you set fire to the rain again?" Sometime during our conversation Loki's control over his spell slipped and the raindrops sliding down our faces feel wrong.

"I will," Loki promises and the droplets change into sparks again. "Better?"

"Much better," I whisper, feeling rather pleased with myself. Slowly, I press my lips against his and finally kiss him. _You taste of fire… _ Loki chuckles, and it tells me he overheard my thoughts… _I want more of it…_

_Then come and get it…_

And by Odin… I do love a challenge!

The end


End file.
